The Love Within

I watched Love and Hip Hop Miami and it finally hit me how toxic this show is. It’s all about insecure people blaming and projecting their self hate on others. They lie, cheat, scream, and fight all to show others how important they are.

What caught my attention in this season was a clip of Amara La Negra explaining her racial background to Young Hollywood. He made an ignorant comment about her afro not being elegant and he acted like he didn’t understand the meaning of Afro Latina. Fast-forward a few episodes and Amara and her friend Veronica Vega are fighting from what stemmed from an ignorant comment. After this I decided that I had more than enough drama for one day. Amara’s storyline is relatable, many naturals know the struggle of wearing kinky hair. It is  seen as unprofessional and it is not acceptable in our own community. However, it is not any ones job to accept you, that’s a personal problem.

I stopped getting perms in middle school. At the time there was no “going natural”. I made the decision to stop getting perms because my hair was thinning. I decided to let it grow out without doing the big chop. Middle School wasn’t that bad, it wasn’t until I got to High School when I struggled. I wore my afro to school one time and people mocked me saying I looked like anyone with a afrocentric style from Erykah Badu to Jill Scott. I use to wear two strand twist a lot and one boy ask me “when are you getting your hair done?”. Even some teachers were like “what are you doing with your hair?”. I used to get asked by family  “when are you going to do something with your hair?”.

Sydney, Australia. I started my locs the summer before my senior year of High School.

I can’t say that I didn’t care, but I can say that I learned to accept myself for who I was. I taught myself how to love my hair when I felt like I looked like an African slave after a wash. I didn’t make the decision for spiritual reasons, I just wanted my hair to be healthy. While I still struggled with self-love, healthy hair was more important to me than other people’s approval. The truth is no one owed me their acceptance. Love and acceptance could only come from within.

This reality applies to life in general. If you feel a type of way because someone doesn’t approve of you, that is a personal problem. We do not need to fight each other about who is right or wrong, we only need to look inside ourselves and challenge our beliefs. Who said that  “they” have to accept you to for you to feel good about yourself? That is the biggest lie you can ever tell yourself because happiness comes from within. Life is simple when we focus on our thoughts and our emotions, instead of trying to change others thoughts, words, and actions.  This doesn’t mean that stereo-typing, social injustice, and discrimination goes away. It only means that you’re not exhausted trying to get self-love outside yourself.

Me and some friends. 2009.

In honor of this Valentine’s Day remember as you love others, don’t forget to love yourself. I am a strong believer that most relationship problems are rooted in forcing your partner to love you in ways you can only love your self. Self-love is key.

Anyway, I can not wait to go see Black Panther and see all the beautiful black faces on-screen and at the theater. That’s love. Happy Valentine’s Day!



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