At this moment I am on vacation in Barbados with my boyfriend. It feels surreal since we spend so much time on the phone. It’s like we can give each other real kisses and not fake kisses over the phone. We have been in a long distance relationship for two years. For a while, I didn’t want to open up about our story for a couple of reasons one being I didn’t want to jinx it in the beginning. The other reason is that people are super nosey and I wanted to keep it private.
I am actually going to start the story before Barbados because this was a critical time for me. In the next post, I will write about how we met and stuff like that, but for now, I want to write about what led up to it. 2017 was a big year for me in more ways than one. I was in my second year of teaching and I was preparing to teach overseas something I always wanted to do. Actually, when I got my first teaching job in August of 2015 I thought to myself “my life will never be the same”. And I was right. I wasn’t thinking that I would be in a long distance relationship.
I thought it would be a while before I got in a relationship. I have lived in the comfort of my small bubble my whole life and wasn’t taking any real strides to get out. I spent my life wanting to come out of myself, but self-doubt, fear, suspicion, and over-thinking always got in my way. I was so engulfed in my own world that I didn’t allow people, let alone men get to know me. I didn’t go on dates because I wasn’t asked. I wasn’t asked because I didn’t go out much. I didn’t go out much because the outside world is a scary place with people. A typical weekend for me was simply spending time with family or just being alone.
I was content for the most part, but there were times when I longed for connection. I wanted to be wanted. I just didn’t want to put myself out there. Being a loner wasn’t the only reason I thought it would take a while for me to get a partner. It was mainly because I was moving to Kuwait. I had really low expectations of finding someone in the middle east, but I was open to possibilities. Also, for the longest time, I had a specific list of the type of guy I wanted. For the longest time, the main thing I wanted was a man of prayer that loved the lord. In addition to being reserved, I was also a devout Christian and wanted a man to match my beliefs.
While I was working on getting my documents together I met my first cousin who I didn’t even know existed. We met in the spring of 2017 and hit it off immediately. She helped me move out of my apartment and took pictures of all the cards I saved, a task I was going to get to eventually. We went out often and we even took salsa lessons together. She’s a much better dancer than me, but those classes really help build my confidence. I can admit that I’m not that good at salsa, but dancing has always been the one thing I was intimidated to do in public.
Eventually, she started telling me that she had planned a trip to Barbados and invited me to come. Even though I like to travel I didn’t jump on the opportunity to go because I wanted to save money and I had to prepare for Kuwait. Well, in the end, I said to myself “ why not”. I ended up going to New Orleans with her that summer as well. I also took a solo trip to Los Angles to meet one of my friends since I never been.
Summer of 2017 was new and exciting for me. I was going out a little more, loosening up a bit, and traveled to some of the main places I wanted to go. I still enjoyed my alone time. but I allowed myself to go out. By this time my religious views were also switching. I believe in God, I just don’t believe in some of the religious rules. Since I decided not to follow Christianity, I feel a lot freer. These were the things were necessary to get me to the point of being open to starting a long distance relationship. In the next post, I will write about how we met and the way things progress.