2019 – Year of Productivity

This poster sits in my living room and I read it every day. How has that been you may ask? Mistakes have been made. Lots of them. But one lesson that has really got me through is to learn from my mistakes and keep trying. I have not reached all of my goals. I have procrastinated. However, turning 30 switched something in my brain. I do not have time to dwell on my past mistakes nor the people who hurt me. I have already wasted a lot of time over-thinking situations trying to decide what is best for me. As a 30-year-old woman, what I feel is right what is best for me. I do not need my mother, father, friends, or my pastor to tell me otherwise.

There is a little voice inside me that speaks, some call it intuition and some call it the Holy Spirit. It tells me the direction I should go. It whispers to me softly to convict me when I am wrong. It tells me to keep pushing. Keep moving forward, don’t look back.  My past no longer defines me. Self-doubt no longer controls me. Fear doesn’t make me second guess. I can finally say I am comfortable in my own skin. This does not mean that I am always happy and always confident. What it means (which I didn’t realize in my 20’s) is that I do not allow my negative emotions to stop me in my tracks. I understand that I am human and my negative feelings are just warning signs. I take heed and keep pushing. Keep moving. I stay focus on my goal 2019 – year of productivity.

One of my biggest flaws was procrastination. I can honestly say that it doesn’t hinder me any longer. I did not overcome procrastination by denying its existence in my life, I overcame procrastination by allowing myself to fail over and over again. I overcame procrastination by changing my expectations of who I should be. I overcame procrastination by not trying to do it all. At the end of it all, I realize that my problem was never procrastination, but my need to be perfect.

My desire to be the most beautiful caused me to feel ugly when someone was chosen over me. My desire to be the smartest caused me to feel dumb when I lost my scholarship in college. My desire to be the best writer caused me to feel incompetent when a teacher told me I couldn’t write. My desire to be amazing at anything caused me to feel like a failure because I felt like I didn’t have any talents. All of these things centered around my need to be perfect. I am not saying that I do not have perfectionist thoughts or ways any longer. What I am saying is that perfectionism does not stop me from living. So I can’t say that I checked off all my boxes, but I can say that there are many areas where I have grown as a person. Growth has to count for something right?

I will continue to grow to do better. Become a better person. Year 2020 I plan to continue to use my time wisely. 2019 my word was productivity. I haven’t found my word for 2020 yet, but it will come to me. I will center my goals and my efforts around that and encourage you to do the same. You don’t have to have a word, you can have a resolution or a vision board. Whatever works for you. 2020 is a leap year so you have 1 year, 12 months, 53 weeks, 366 days, and 8784 hours to reach your goal. You can do it!

I would to take this moment to wish all my followers a  Happy New Year! Your support does not go unnoticed and I wish you all the blessings!

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