Happy Valentine’s Day! Last summer I wrote the post titled Unexpected Love where I talk about how I met my current boyfriend. Our story is the perfect example of if it’s meant to be it will be. I want to revisit this story to point out what worked for me. I loathe giving relationship advice because everybody is different. Generic advice on how to get a man sort of helps but in reality, you can’t rely on rules to help you in real-life situations. This is why I will point out my state of mind and the actions that followed which lead me into a beautiful loving relationship.
2017 was the summer of all summers for me. I went to Barbados for the first time and came back like feeling like Stella in How Stella Got Her Groove Back. In Barbados, we stayed in a hotel apartment with a patio overlooking the beach. I sat out there a few times and listened to the sound of the crashing waves. I felt I was in a dream.
The first thing I want to point out is that I was on vacation so I was not stressed about anything. I was very relaxed, which changed the way I carried myself, which I explain here the night I met my boyfriend.
Being on vacation puts me in freedom mode. I spend money like it grows on trees. I smile more and sing good morning when I see people. I live as if responsibility is a foreign concept (within reason of course). Most of the time I’m in my head, thinking. Being a tourist gives me the luxury of not worrying about what people think. I also have help from my friend known as liquid courage. That night was magical because I took a sip of a powerful potion that gave me a new personality.
While I was relaxed, I felt confident and free. I was a ball of positive energy and exuding good vibes. I was happy and that made me attractive. I read plenty of books and articles that explain that confidence is key to being attractive. Everybody can not be the most beautiful person, but you don’t need to be when you are confident. When you are confident you try to look your best because you feel good. When you are confident you smile more. I also want to point out that I was able to gain confidence because I was less stressed. Being stressless made me happy.
When it comes to my regular routine I allow myself to feel the negative things so I can get to the root of the issue. If I am feeling on edge, I do not like to quote a bunch of positive quotes to put me in a better headspace. Instead, I try to figure out the root of the problem and find ways for me to change it. Recently, I was at odds with some of my student’s parents. It was really stressing me out. Instead of trying to be positive I allowed myself to feel frustrated, but I worked through that frustration. What I learned is that it is better for me to be kind even if someone is being nasty to me. I turned a stressful problem and made it less stressful.
If you want to be confident then you have to be a place you want to be. It’s not about just loving the way you look. It’s about loving who you are and what you do. If you don’t like your current situation, change your perspective.
We had a routine, get ready to go out, drink, take thousands of pictures. Drink some more or take a smoke break and then finally go out. My cousin, Danielle didn’t drink or smoke so on this particular night after our pictures she became frustrated because she was ready to dance. She fled out the house by herself. I don’t smoke but waited patiently because I didn’t want to be by myself in a foreign country. I was actually scared when she left without warning.
I ran after her and by the time I found her my drink had taken me to tipsy level no f*cks given. Happiness was all around me. We ended up going to a nightclub called Old Jammin and stayed there the whole night. My cares were lifted off my shoulders. All my self-conscious thoughts melted away. I was the star in my own movie.
Some guys were kind enough to ask for a dance and some forced themselves on me. I only danced with the polite ones because it’s weird to just start grinding on someone that you don’t know. There was one guy who insisted on talking to Danielle even though she didn’t want to dance. After some time we took a break and the vultures flew around us like we were carcasses.
After this night I pondered how I could achieve that level of no f*cks without being under the influence. My answer didn’t come from the time I spent thinking about it. My answer came through trial and error and living. I am still self-conscious, which hasn’t gone away yet. What has changed is how much thought I put into what other people are thinking. Other people’s thoughts are not my business. Also, I can not expect people to see me how I want to be seen. Again, their opinions about me are not my business.
When I am in the moment I have to let go of my prejudices, expectations, and stories. I have to take things as they are and respond based on what is happening, not what I think is happening. In this situation, being tipsy put me in a carefree mind and I just went with it. The take away from this is to choose what you care about wisely and let go of things you have no control over (like how people are going to judge you when you dance, this has always been my biggest fear).
There were these two guys that introduced themselves to us. They were taking their shot but was interrupted by the guy that was talking to Danielle and his friend. I actually danced with his friend and didn’t realize they were friends. The friend was handsome and had a cool demeanor. He had on a black shirt and cap that said, Castaways. He explained that he just got off work and that his job was close. He asked me if I had WhatsApp, which I didn’t, but downloaded it later that night. We exchanged numbers and that was that.
Me and Danielle went back in to dance and at this point, everything was dying down. I was slowly coming down from my happiness serum and people started to leave the club. I ended up texting the Castaway’s guy when I got home. We had a casual conversation, feeling each other out. I wasn’t expecting much and thought we wouldn’t talk after I left Barbados. If you told me at that time that Castaway’s guy would end up being my boyfriend I would have thought it was a good joke. I was not looking for a relationship, especially since I was moving so far away and especially since he lived in Barbados. It just happened.
I said yes to a dance, I said yes to his number, I said yes to the first date. That felt like Beyonce’s song “Say Yes”, except this has a happy ending. If you caught me a couple years prior to that I wouldn’t have been in a club! So I also said yes to going out, I said yes to Barbados, which eventually led me to say yes to our relationship. The most important thing when trying to decide whether you are going to go with no or yes is not allowing fear to drive you. As long as fear is not holding you back you have the intuition to know what is best for you.
That’s my story on how I found love in an unexpected way. I was happy instead of stress. I was present instead of overthinking, and I said yes to things I would have usually said no to. Of course you can do all these things and still not find love. However, when you do these things on the regular you will probably be so happy that you will live your life and not be sad on Valentine’s Day.
I remember when the Valentine’s Day movie came out and it really disturbed me how the single ladies were so vexed that they didn’t have a valentine. I understand the stigma of being a single woman, but how can one day ruin your whole mood. It really is just a day and it is all about how you think of it. When I was single I desired to be in a relationship, but valentine’s day didn’t spoil my mood. I have always thought of it as just another day. I have never been on a date on Valentine’s. Before my current relationship, I was always single and now I’m in a transatlantic long-distance relationship so we can’t physically be together.
Despite my nonchalant view of Valentine’s, I can still appreciate love. I truly believe that it doesn’t have to be about a couple, but it could be about the love shared between friends and family. I have spent several Valentine’s going out with friends and family. It is all about the way you look at it and the story you tell yourself.
If you like this post press the like button to let me know I am on the right track. Comment one thing that helped you find love, then share this post with your friends and family on Facebook. I write about my life’s lessons that helped me to be more confident every Friday so subscribe if you want to receive a notification when I post new things. Thanks for reading and hope you come back next week. Until then, stay golden and keep shining.